I think it's time to be done with the falsehood and cowardice in my life. It's time to be done with the self-loathing, the narcissistic anger, and the affectation.
I think I know where it comes from, but it's time to be done with the judgment. It's time to be done with all of the things I "conceal carry," waiting and wishing for the moment I am able to (justly?!) pull my weapons and fire.
It's taken me a long time to feel free of the bondage of church.
It's taken me a long time to begin to stop believing lies that people have been feeding me.
I still can't forgive myself. But God can change my heart.
It's astonishing how prevalent lies and dishonesty are in my heart. I hide who I am from others, I ridicule myself when I am honest with myself, and I haven't been able to face God. But maybe now, I can?
It's not time for judgment, so I must turn my thoughts to something else, lest I ponder too long on how one comes to this point. No one to blame is one who can atone for the sin that resulted, so why cast it? Love covers over a multitude of wrongs. So no more!
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