But I already feel pangs of "Uh oh." Facebook is an empty place for me now, and I imagine it as a quiet, desolate place that was usually full of people having a good time. I feel a little bad, because I shooed them all away.
The right way to see it, though, is for what it is. I picture me, sitting at the computer, looking in on the posts that other people sitting at their computers posted for all of their other friends who are sitting at computers to see. Occasionally there are some phone people. They should make me sadder than anything else, because they're actually out and about doing something (hopefully).
So, contrast that to me being out. Actually out with someone! Telling them news that I have, or something I did the other day. I've gone out with exactly zero people for coffee this summer. I could have made a point to have, say, a different nursing student (who I'm going to be working with all school year!) over for coffee each week and actually have a conversation with them, instead of just reading their short, public facebook posts. I could have set up play dates with people from the library. I could have volunteered at a friend's farm.
Not to say this is impossible in the presence of facebook, but they would be a lot more attractive to me without the socialization of facebook and the internet. I would be more motivated to do it. It's like ice cream, or something. It's ok if you eat it sometimes, but if it makes you too full to enjoy a full range of food, it's really bad for you.
Here's a question for you. I'd love comments on it. If someone never contacts you outside of facebook (no email, no phone, no in person), are you really friends? No facebook messaging, either. Just watching and commenting on each other's statuses. Not because they can't message you, they just don't. There's nothing for you to say to each other in private.
I don't know what to make of it. What is it? Is it really friendship, but just a public, distant friendship? Do you even care about each other? Why don't you ever contact each other outside of facebook?
And speaking of which, what is a friend, anyway?
The apparent silence might seem awfully deafening, especially if it feels like it's saying, "You have no friends now and it's all your fault!" It sure ain't easy to count your loss as gain at a time like this. This is one time when silence is not golden. Your questions ought to be easy to answer, but I seem to go in circles with them. Friendship is like quality, hard to define but easy to recognize, usually. I'm sorry you're feeling disoriented by your decision to take the bold step forward into backing away from FaceBook, maybe partly because I've felt like doing similar but have decided to stay on the dragon's back a while longer.
ReplyDeleteI suppose I don't need to point out how weird it is to see the little f-logo "like" button here. It is to laugh, or something. So let me just say, I will be glad to interact here on your blogspot project, and will subsequently follow elsewhere should you choose to "move" again. The internet is one big Nowhere anyway, so mileage is no problem, Ma'am. :)
In my freshman year of college, actually the very first term, I took a Speech 101 class and the prof posed that very same last question as yours. My recollection is that we did not arrive at a consensus but did manage to identify some important characteristics of what makes people our friends. Of course, this was long before the web-ernet (fall 1969) came into existence and computers were more of an oddity/monstrosity than the wonder they are today. Or, I wonder if they are, today. Anyhow, here's one thing I remember from the various characteristics of "real" friendship. Pretty much, most of the time, true friends don't really want anything from you except your attention, and sometimes they actually *need* that attention. And vice-versa of course. It's a mutual thing, based on some kind of admiration.
We belong to a mutual... blah-blah-blah society. :)
Happy Fifth of July, Bonnie! :)
--g
Oh, how nice to hear from you :)
ReplyDeleteHappy sixth of July! (Or is it the 7th? I guess not quite.)
What a way with words you have. I am trying to say something witty, but nothing is coming.
Interesting, too, that your class came to their own consensus, rather than the professor doing it for them...
somehow my comment of a week or two disappeared. Had some inconsequential thoughts on your questions, but I'm not awake enough now to remember. So just a hi, and a suggestion I did post.... perhaps you could add an email subscription option to your blog. I do use a reader, but don't remember to check it often enough.
ReplyDelete