Six Months

Aftasie is now 22.6 pounds and 27.5" long! She turned six months on the 21 of this month. I can't believe how much she's grown. Who knows how much more she'll grow in the next six months.

So, we have the internet turned back on selectively. Email is back, blog is back, but no facebook, none of the stupid time wasting sites I have tended lately to waste so much time on. :)

And...it's boring. Haha. I keep trying to go to certain sites even though I know they're not accessible.

At least I have admitted I have a problem. As long as I can't get at it, I'm OK. But if it's on, I can mindlessly be on it for hours at a time.

I'm not saying everyone should get rid of parts of the internet. Just that I can't really deal with it effectively.

Aftasie in a big pile of toys, looking confusedly at me as to why I'm making funny faces.

A Break in the Silence

Well I've been letting you all be her silently, in peace, but here's a new post!

So, busy times have kept me tied up. The semester just ended, been on break for half a week. It's going WAY too fast, even without any internet at our house.

I'm going to attempt again to CLEP developmental psych, which I attempted about 6 months ago unsuccessfully. I so want to pass. If I don't, I have to take the class next semester :( :( :( :( I will die. The pysch book is full of junk that I don't want to study, or look at.

Aftasie is growing like crazy. Here are new pics.

In a hat from Izzy Lyman, a friend of mine from back east :) 

Sleeping in the bedroom/office/study/library/etc :) 

That's my sweetie! She likes her new tambourine

And she likes her piano from Ed and Ruby, more friends from back east! 

And these are from a friend's mom at school - fluffy tights. I put them on her head and I personally think they are ADORABLE! I put jingle bells in the legs. 

Little queen :) 

She was so tiny in this at the beginning

In clothes from family in Illinois (I guess that's still east, right? Compared to here, anyway :) 

In the cutest little bathrobe ever from some friends here at school :) 

At the Library

So what does one do when the router disappears? Well, Porter was up later than me the night it went away and we had agreed it would be the last night with the internet for a month, so I woke up and the internet was gone.

First thought that pops into my mind is "I've got to check the email." And then I remember, oh, no internet! I by habit sit in my nursing chair by the table (which I usually use the computer at) and I don't open my computer, but I want to. When I walked by the fridge and the router was missing, it was like something had died. It was much quieter. Much more still.

I kind of cheated and went on facebook on my kindle. Of course, it WAS to get a phone number, but it took so long to log in (because it was a new device that I hadn't previously logged in from) I felt as though I had been on for quite a while.

I am really liking the lack of internet at home. Of course, here I am at school wasting time on the computer, but when I go home, I can't zone out on it.

And you know, I know there are people who live with the internet and are fine. I think I just have (almost) no social life outside of school. That's fine when it's just little ol' me and want to stew all day. But Aftasie needs to get out and have friends and do things.

I want to find a parent/child group, particularly of the Peaceful Parenting variety, so Aftasie can play with other babies.

Internet Update

I've been telling friends for a month (at least) that we're getting rid of the internet. Well, we WERE getting rid of the internet, until I found out that we are on a contract that will cost $90 to break. I called up the company and asked them if we could stop the internet service without breaking  a contract (I suspected as much) and they said no, there'd be a $90 termination fee, but is this for financial reasons? Oh, partly that, and partly just because we want to spend less time on it. We just had a baby [laugh]. Well I can put a $5 monthly credit on your account, no new contract, no change in service. 
I asked a few times if it would change, and he said no, so I guess we just got 25% off our internet service, which is cool.

But anyway, this is all to say that we're cutting home internet down by getting rid of it ourselves. For the next month, the router is going away! (Yay!) (That rhymes. Try saying it.)

During that period, I have internet email access on my kindle (and blog access, incidentally) and I'll also have full internet at school. So no dropping off of the planet. Just a little more family time in the evenings, and no more nursing the baby staring at a stupid computer screen.

After that period, we're going to bring back the internet all new - "Try it now! All new -- More limited!"


So ta ta for now. (I actually like saying that, but I don't like ttfn, generally, so I don't say it).

Lullaby...etc., etc.

So, Aftasie usually goes to sleep around midnight. Sometimes 11pm, sometimes 12:30am. She sleeps for a long period at night (with munchy breaks, of course!) and doesn't nap all that much.

Tonight she was getting really fussy and rubbing her eyes around 11pm, and I thought it must be time for bed! I was pretty excited because that means I could go to sleep. I nursed her on one side, she fell asleep so I got up to do some stuff before tomorrow (we go to class together tomorrow) amd in about 10 minutes she woke up. No big deal, because I'm all ready to go to bed so I turn off the light, tuck us in, etc. Five minutes later she's done nursing and happy-screeching. I kissed her goodnight and told her I was going to sleep and rolled over. She just lay in bed making happy noises for probably 15 minutes. The she gets a little fussy, so I nurse her, she comes off and it just as happy and awake as can be. She's sitting in my arms as I type this, bouncing around and making happy noises. What a night :)

Bubble Children

I've been thinking about the idea of raising children in a bubble. It's come to my mind because of an assignment I have for a class called Christian Foundations. I have an essay due in about a month that is to deal with an issue that I struggle with or wonder about that is relevant to Christianity. What I wonder about is whether there's another bubble out there surrounding me.


The first one burst quite violently. Family, love, God, all viewed from a different perspective. Can you really say you know something if you have been prevented from (or prevented yourself) from viewing the possibilities? Some bubbles are inevitable, I think. There is a natural bubble burst when childhood transitions to adulthood. But I don't like the thought of building unnatural ones for my children. I think they should be taught to look beyond the inevitable ones, in hopes that they can see the world more clearly and not constantly fear that there's another one that they just can't see. Maybe this is not possible.

A friend asked me, when I was debating some doctrinal statement or something, "If you were born Muslim, would you still be Muslim?" I didn't know how to answer. Of course the Christian answer probably would have been that God would have saved me from believing a lie, so I'd have converted. But the real answer is different. Aren't there devout Muslims? Aren't there devout Christians? Aren't there devout Protestants? Aren't there devout Christian fundamentalists, each with their own reason for everyone else going to hell? Aren't you going to hell, according to most other devoutly religious people who happen to different than you? What made you born into X religion?

To my Christian friends, if you were born Muslim, would you still be Muslim? To those in other religions, what if you were born Fundamentalist Christian? Would you still be one?

This is going to my thesis question, I think.

The White Angel

Hehe, well, I know this is a badly taken picture but I wanted a picture to go with this post so I took one. 

Aftasie went to sleep all by her little self last night! Usually she nurses to sleep, so I put her in bed and started to nurse her and she kept pulling herself off and making noises. So I figured I'd just let her play a little by herself if she wanted to, and turned over in bed, and a few minutes later I looked over and her eyes were closing! It was amazing. Simply amazing. 

Check out the socks! They're adorable :D 

News about unknowns: I believe they're all figured out. I have Corynebacterium pseudodiphtherium, Serratia marcescens, and Bacillus cereus. I guess I will do some more tests on Bacillus cereus just to make absolutely sure. I did spore stain and I'm fairly positive it was spore positive, but I keep doubting myself, since that test was the least conclusive. I saw round inclusions and round things on the slide, but they weren't as bright green as they've been in the past. :shrug: Who knows! I may as well do more since I have a few more weeks before the deadline. 

I can't tell you what a relief it is to have them figured out. It was so hard, and now it seems so easy. 

Unknowns II

Update on the Unknowns:

Thank GOD, I separated the two unknowns! One is Serratia marcescens, which grows pink at 25 C but not at 37 C (lucky draw of the cards there, to get a colored one!), and the other is an unidentified (as of yet) gram positive bacillus. I have it narrowed down to two or three, though. And my other unknown I'm pretty sure is Corynebacterium pseudodiphtheria, which is a pleomorphic (changes shape) gram positive bacteria. It tested positive for Catalase, negative for spores and negative for acid-fast stain, and Cornyebacterium is the only pleomorphic specimen on the list.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. (Yes, it's that exciting!)

Absolute Bliss

I have to spend most of my day at school today. Usually I come home between classes and feed Aftasie and eat breakfast, etc. The rest of the semester is a little busier than it has been, so I've got to actually buckle down now.

So, this morning I got up a little earlier than usual and when I was finished showering (and freezing cold!) Aftasie woke up and started crying. So I crawled into bed and fed her and it was pretty much the best thing all week :) I wanted to just stay and sleep, and be warm, and have my family next to me. It was beyond great, if was like being on happy drugs (not that I know what that's like, hehe). I almost feel like setting the alarm for early, getting cold, and then crawling into bed to feel warm and cozy ;)

Speaking of which, I DID used to set my alarm early, just so I could go back to bed. Back in the home days of getting up for family devotions (if you didn't get up on time, you got punished), I thought it was pleasant to set my alarm for 3am, start getting up, and then realize that I had a few more hours to sleep and go back to sleep. Haha.

All of this talk about sleep has me fantasizing about when I'll be able to sleep at normal hours that I choose, and wake up in the morning feeling well-rested. It's going to be awesome. You never know how it is till you don't have it anymore! Also, I might just add here that if someone had explained to me exactly what was involved in mothering a child, I don't know what I would have done. I don't think I would have thought I could do it. Once you have a baby, you just meet the challenges that you face.

Similar to school, in a way. Had I known exactly the struggles I would have had in school, and all the work involved, I never would have signed up. Good thing I don't really know much about how nursing school will be ;)

Which goes to say, after all, things can be much worse before and after you experience them, especially if you're afraid of them. Before you start, you're full of nervous anticipation, and afterwards since you don't have to do it anymore, you can dwell on the hard parts you passed and impress yourself that you finished. But while you're doing it, you just do it...Speaking of which, I'm off to lab to put in a few hours on those unknowns.

My Mixed Culture

So, the rules are that I cannot employ any outside, expert biology advice, so if you are an expert and can tell what this is (haha), then you mustn't tell me. I think it's pretty impossible to tell from just a gram stain, though.

So, for the uninformed, gram positive and negative refer to the different kinds of walls in bacteria. They pick up stain differently. Gram + and Gram - are two major categories of bacteria types, so this is what we start with for a test. The sample is smeared carefully (and thinly) on a slide, air-dried, and "heat fixed" by passing it through a bunsen burner flame twice. Then it is stained with crystal violet for 20 seconds, rinsed with H20, stained with Gram's iodine for one minute, rinsed with H20, stained with safranin for one minute, rinsed with H20, and then blotted dry. It is then observed under oil immersion on the microscope. You put a dot of oil on the slide and the lens touches the oil when it is focused properly.

This is my mixed sample. It was very hard to tell on my last stains which was mixed, but I'm pretty positive I have gram positive and negative rods mixed here. The positive ones are the big purple ones and the negative are the smaller pink ones. The gram positive wall retains the crystal violet dye and rinses out of the negative ones when you put on Gram's iodine. Then the pink dye is added, which the gram negative retains.

This is the first stain I did that I thought came out well, but I was still hesitant to say that there were two types of rods in there. I thought maybe there were rods and cocci (spheres). 

This sample is a little thick, but it convinced me that I was indeed seeing two types of rods in the mix in the other slide as well. I believe the negative rods are Serratia marcescens, which grows pink at 25 C but not at 37 C (my sample on the counter grew pink, with a greenish tinge, and grew tan/colorless in the incubator). 

Dichotomous Scheme done!

For microbiology, we have to identify three unknown bacteria, out of 41 possibilities. We are going to be given two tubes of broth inoculated with bacteria. One is mixed, the other will be pure culture. We have to separate the mixed one. (Oh, and we won't know which is mixed when we get it!)

So to do this efficiently, we each had to come up with a yes/no scheme (I guess that's why it's a dichotomous scheme ;) that starts with a few large categories and works its way down to each specific bacteria. At each level, we perform a test and follow either the yes or no leg till we find out what we have. Some tests are as easy as inoculating a tube, growing it overnight and seeing if it's turned  different color. Others are more involved, like the spore stain, and others are just tricky to get riight.   Some are definitely going to be easier to identify, so some of us are going to get lucky with bacteria that grow certain colors, or are defined with just a test or two.

There are 6 pages of the scheme. I was having a really hard time working with Microsoft Word's hierarchical structures (it really stinks, actually!), and Porter suggested this program. It costs $100, but it comes with a free 15 day trial. I had two weeks to finish the assignment. How cool is that!?

Occupy Wall Street Violence

I talked with a relative on the phone the other day who didn't really know anything about the protests going on. This set of pictures makes me sick to my stomach. If I had just eaten I probably could vomit.

Police Brutality at Occupy Wall Street Protests.

No Pictures=No Posts

For some reason, I feel obligated to put up a picture when I post (it makes the flipcard view much more attractive and even to me). But that's no reason not to blog, is it!?

This week I start my Unknowns project in microbiology. We are all given two test tubes; one has one bacteria in it and the other is mixed. We have to culture them, keep them alive, and do enough tests on them to determine which bacteria we've been given. It seems like fun, so far, but certain things make it stressful. The bacteria can die, get contaminated, etc, and you can only get a replacement at expense of points off your grade. Also, there are THREE that need to be worked on. Some tests take overnight or a few days to do. Some tests are harder to interpret or get to work right.

So...fun in the end, as long as it works out :)

Also, tomorrow we get rid of our internet! I'm so excited. I'll have to take my computer to school once in a while, and I will be blogging whenever I can.

It Was Sheer Mistake...

The other day I started off for school. It was a beautiful day. The air was crisp, the sky was blue (which is very unlike Willamette Valley autumn), and I was going to arrive at class on time. The sidewalk was empty, and I was just enjoying my morning. Then I crossed the street and walked about 50 feet behind another person. At first, I thought my eyes must be betraying me. Then I looked, and looked (eep!), and realized her skirt was literally 4-5 inches too short in the back, and since her tights were a little small and stretched to their limits (and then some), there was, um, let me just say there was very little coverage. At first I laughed. I laughed! It was horrible. Lots of things ran through my mind - Is she wearing tights as leggings? Is her skirt tucked into her waistband? Does she know? Should I tell her? How do you tell someone about this? "Excuse me, but your skirt is too short. Excuse me, check your backside in the mirror sometime. Excuse me, I can see the bottom of your bottom." 


Since I didn't know how to say it, and because I think there's a chance she planned to dress this way and possibly even looked at it in the mirror, I said not a thing. Though I felt a twinge of "But I would want to be told!!!"

So instead of telling her, since it's obviously too late now, and I'm not sure it's appropriate anyway, consider yourself warned. Do yourself a favor and check if your skirt is tucked into your waistband, and that you are not suffering from overexposure.

Moroccan Bow Lathe

This is a super-cool video!!

After a year and a half...

I got an acceptance letter into the nursing program this morning!! I am so excited. SO excited :D The program starts January 9th and I'll be starting right off doing clinicals once a week. I've worked a year and a half for this letter!

My First Dumpster Food

It's really quite delicious! In a rare open-dumpster moment at a store in the area I saw there was lots of produce and a few bags of oranges. I squeezed an orange and it felt ok. I saw one orange was moldy. So I grabbed it and when I got home I realized they were all OK except that one orange. So I had free, fresh orange juice this morning. The best I've had in years! I'll be checking the dumpster more often! I wish I had grabbed more bags of oranges but I didn't know what they'd be like.

This site and my friend Kaleb are what got me thinking about dumpster diving. Free food!

Yummy!

Hiking in the Gorge

Today we slept in (!) and had a beautiful afternoon hike at the Colombia Gorge, about an hour away from where we live. This time it was Angel's Rest, which is a new hike for us, and it is definitely a do-again-er. It's was 5 miles round trip, and I think 1500 feet of elevation change. It took us to a lookout over the river. We didn't have time to fully explore the top. It was so neat! Pictures do not do it justice at all, but here are a few pictures.

The way it often is in the car. She really doesn't like her car seat!

Sometimes it gets quieter and calmer (or sleepier!!)

In the lovely new backpack carrier a friend sent. It is awesome.

There's a car in this picture. See it? It's hard to capture what a drop it is, but there are cliffs that are quite steep. I didn't venture close enough to the edge to show how far down it goes ;) 

Looking westward. The sunset, though occluded by trees most of the time on the hike down, was gorgeous! (No pun intended! :) 

Looking east. 

Looking east.

See, we eat anywhere! (Mom and Pop ate apples, Aftasie nursed :) This was sitting in a little "cave" of rock a good 4 feet above the trail to get out of the wind. 

My littlest sweetheart :) 

Couch

We haven't owned a couch all of our married life till now, which just passed the two-and-a-half-year mark. We had one, briefly at a trailer we rented in Florida. I have had a couch on my wishlist (my LIFE wish list, you know, of long term goals) for quite a while. I grew up with at least two full sized couches in the living room, plus various other stuffed chairs. It was wonderful to curl up on one in the winter because of the wood stove being close by.

So, on this slow, school-less day (we get today off instead of last Monday for Columbus day. Don't ask me why!), I'm curled up on the couch before Aftasie wakes up. I really want to sleep later, but she keeps stirring and I know she'll be up at any moment and I won't have time except to get comfy in bed and she'll want to be up.

Rain Gear

Aftasie has a winter rain jacket. Two, in fact (one is bigger, and came with waterproof pants). This is pretty much an essential in the Willamette Valley, where it rains and rains and rains. I know I seem to harp on it, but it's a big deal to an Easterner who's used to sunshine during most of the winter (and extra bright sunshine when fresh snow is on the ground).

I bought nice waterproof shoes. I cannot tell you how much more pleasant it is to wear waterproof shoes than sneakers, which seem to absorb water almost instantly upon stepping outside. I can actually walk across the lawn at school (it's muddy and wet all winter), and I think I've mentioned this fact to my classmate half a dozen times. It is so exciting to me as someone who constantly had wet feet last winter.

So far, my rain gear is a hat and waterproof shoes. A wool jacket is coming soon. This is super exciting. I may actually arrive at classes DRY!

Aftasie, on her 16th week birthday

Aftasie is quite expressive! Pardon the mess behind her. I'm moving some shelves around and since I have limited time on my hands I've been working on it in steps. This is the I'm-not-quite-finished step.

She gets serious as soon as she sees the camera. :) 

Deadlines

Deadlines have always stressed me out. Taxes have always been a struggle for me, because for months before I have everything together that I need to file I feel them looming over me. It starts out small - I feel a little nag in the back of my mind. I console myself that I don't have my W2, or something like that and push it away. But it comes back. After the W2 comes, then I find some excuse that is not so valid. And before you know if I'm pretty stressed.

I had an assignment that I was supposed to finish Friday night. But we had planned to go to a movie at the drive in. So we did! And it was a lot of fun. Saturday was a BEAUTIFUL day. For an Oregon October day when the rain has already started, that is kind of unusual. Instead of rainy and 50 degrees, it was sunny and 70! So we packed up sandwiches and went to the park for the day. Sunday we had a nice breakfast and did some shopping that we needed to do. We bought a new shelf, which is the final installment in my series of shelves, a COUCH! and some lamps and a few other things like bigger socks for Aftasie (she's outgrown all we'd been given!). It was great. So I finished my two pieces of homework Sunday night, which, yes, will be a bit late, but do I really care?

Naaaaah.


And how can I sit here and blog when there are a million other things to do? I'm pumping :) Good ol' breastpump makes it possible for me to just take off and go to class while Porter has Aftasie.

Quitter, II

Maybe a good site to start would be Quittr, for those who have chosen to distance themselves a little from mainstream social networking sites.

A second step is to get rid of the internet. There's plenty of internet available publicly. Do I really need to be wired 24/7? Do I *really* need to? Is it good for me? If I lived in a rural area, I would probably be rethinking this, but this is how I feel here.

I couldn't imagine living without the internet before we lived without it. Then we did fine. I was happy without it. I took my computer to school when I needed to get homework files, or something of the sort. And there are computers at school, so if I don't want to lug my computer with me I can bring a thumb drive and get/send files.

We got internet here a few months ago after being without it for a while. I want to go back to being internet-less at home. I didn't have any problems being bored without the internet. If anything, I'm more bored now. I do much less.

So, Porter bought me a Kindle for my birthday (!). It has the capability to browse (though not fantastically) which means we can read wikipedia, check mail, and even do forums. Also, the device comes with free 3G. It definitely is not a replacement for a computer, but if I need to look something up, I don't have to drive to school. I'm compromising, and I won't be totally offline. But I think it might be a better device for what I want to do, which is partially disconnect from the online world and live a little more life.

I know some people feel more comfortable connected as much as they can, but I don't.

OP: Nipples Vs. Lips

This is an OP - Old Post from a former blog, or a note from Facebook.

Lips:

• are functional
• are sensitive
• can be attractive
• are a different color than other skin
• can be enjoyed in a sexual way
• can be used in printed and online material in such a way designed to excite a sexual response

Nipples:

• are functional
• are sensitive
• can be attractive
• are a different color than other skin
• can be enjoyed in a sexual way
• can be used in printed and online material in such a way designed to excite a sexual response

So what's the difference between you stuffing your mouth full of food in public and your baby getting his fill of mommy's milk? Most of the people I know are fine with breastfeeding. They know it's good for the baby and they think it's a good thing to do. But.But nipples must not be seen at any time. Discreetness is a must.

Why? I don't think there really is a difference. I enjoyed living in a town like Eugene, the laws of which do not treat the breast in a hyper-sexualized way, just as I enjoy the aspect of living in this town being able to freely show my lips without being reprimanded for being a slut or immodest.

But I'm curious as to why people feel as they do - and if you know why you believe what you do about it.

The Little Queen of the House

(There is no big queen, so she's not exactly a princess ;) 

In her royal robe, ready to be bathed by her servant

Seasons

I'm experimenting with layouts because I don't really like how I have it. Change to come in the future.

The rain has come. It's raining today, and it rained yesterday. I kind of like it. (I hate to admit it). It's nice and cozy to get out of it. Maybe summers are for getting out, and winters are for coming in. I made a little couch out of our old bed (which was a piece of memory foam) and covered it with my red tartan wool blanket. It's pretty! I can't wait to go couch shopping. There's a thrift store around here run by the Portland Mission that is full of furniture. Comfy is the main thing. I don't really care what color it is because we can cover it up.

I have always loved the change of the seasons. It's so refreshing. I really miss the dramatic changes in the northeast. Winter was snowy and white, and COLD, spring was full of melting snow, and beautiful, warm feeling air (I love balmy breezes), summer was full of sweat, green, and thunderstorms, and fall was full of crisp, cool air, blue skies, and bright leaves on the trees.

I guess you must always miss where you grew up. Even if it's not your favorite place to be, it still holds so many memories. I really do enjoy living in the northwest, but it's not home.

Not only do you leave places as you grow up, you leave time behind. It'll never be yesterday. Maybe I'm thinking about this because it's my birthday tomorrow. I keep forgetting, but I remembered this morning in class. I'll be 24. Life is so different these days!

New Clothes

When I was about 15 I counted teeshirts and they numbered in the neighborhood of 75. I had at least 20 pairs of jeans. I had at least 40 pairs of shoes. I had about 24 sweatshirts. I had probably 7 jackets/coats. I had a whole closet full of dresses/dress tops/skirts. Why? I had access to pretty much unlimited, free clothing at a thrift store that I volunteered at (I didn't steal it! ;) They had a deal where if you worked there for a reasonable amount of time, you could take home what you wanted.) Did I wear it all? No!! I could end up with a massive pile of laundry, though, and I had the hardest time keeping it all in my drawers/closets/on shelves. Now I have three pairs of pants, and about 7 tops that work all the time, several jackets, and a number of clothes that I don't really wear much. At 15, I gasped and couldn't imagine only having one pair of jeans. And I don't even have access to laundry all that much, but I try to alternate my pants so they don't get worn all week (not that I didn't do that when I was 15, I often wore one of my favorite jeans for a week, which doesn't make any sense). Less is more ;)

I'm not sure how to go about changing this, but I'm really tired of wearing jeans and a tee shirt. Why? Several reasons:

• it's boring because everyone does it
• it's not pretty
• jeans cut into my belly, which I expect to have for a long time (sure, maybe it'll come off eventually, but why torture my guts in the meantime? Dresses seem more womanly and fit me better
• it's modern and so uniform and uncreative 

Now, before I go further, and tell the first things I've done to change, I have to explain a little more. I found a blog called The Fiercest Lilliputian that has awesome vintage outfits. I'm sure I'll be going back to look at it many times. But as I looked at it, and other fashion blogs that the author links to, I realized I really don't want to get into a huge collection of clothes. Maybe it is inevitable, but what I envision is a simple, pretty, and pared-down wardrobe. I've never been into clothes that much, except eschewing what I felt was awful (and let me tell you, I wore a lot of what I'd now consider awful, but I was comfortable in them!). I don't want to dress in high fashion, either, or wear 4 inch heels. 

I'm thinking something like this: 

• necessary underwear, including sturdy tights for winter
• 7 everyday medium weight dresses worn year-round so I can do laundry once a week (maybe 8)
• 2-3 light sundresses for summer
• 2-3 cardigans for winter
• 2 fancy dresses for dress-up occasions; full-length and below knee
• 1 winter jacket
• 1 spring jacket
• 1 pair waterproof shoes for all around walking (winter)
• 1 pair waterproof boots/hiking shoes
• 1 pair black pumps (low heel!)
• 1 pair tan/white pumps (again, must be low heeled)

The only must for the shoes is that they are comfortable and suited to the weather. It rains 9 months out of the year here, so I really have to find something that works. I've been here two winters and still haven't spent the money or come up with a solution to arriving places very soggy (especially feet!).

Unfortunately, when I start nursing school this is going to go out of the window for most of my work. Clinicals have strict dress code, and you all have to buy the same clothes at the same place. I'm fine with that. It'll be simple. When I become a nurse, I wonder if I can wear white dresses. I'd love to wear white dresses and white lace-up oxfords (depending on how comfortable I could find them). 

So, now that that's out of the way, and I've explained that I don't want to become a fashionista, but just want to get clothing that's simple and attractive, classic, and works for me, I might post some pictures. I'm not a model, so maybe I'll show them on the hangers ;) The first thing I did was buy a new dress via mail order, but it was the wrong size so I returned it and there weren't any in my size. The second thing (much smarter!) was to visit the thrift store and look through the entire dress rack. I found three button-up dresses, which are a must right now because I'm nursing. One fits, the other two are just a little small. I bought them because they were beautiful dresses and I'm planning on not keeping the 40 pounds I have gained after pregnancy forever. Maybe they'll fit in a year, maybe not. I'm keeping them :) 

I Knew It!

I shouldn't have had a refill on that coffee at 6pm. Here I am, wide awake, and it's almost 1am. Aftasie and Porter are sound asleep. My goodness, I so am going to pay for this tomorrow. :(

Aftasie and Me

Aftasie is 12 weeks!!

Things to Do

• blog
• write journal entry (over)due for CF class
• write summaries (over)due for CF class, which I've just been informed I've been doing wrong (but the new way should be easier!)
• copy lab notes (include results) 
• copy micro lecture notes
• type interview (can't do here because I forgot my headphones)

I'm sitting in a coffee place, soaked through to the socks, and I have a window seat so I can see cars driving by and people walking by. 

I need to take a break. I have several tasks that are due via computer. I want to stay to only them and blogging for a week (how much blogging could I do?!). And a youtube project, if I get around to it. Otherwise, I need to spend my time online doing something. If I'm too mind-blanked to do something, I need to do nothing. NOTHING. Not surf, not check up on beer stuff. I also need to keep a list of easy things to do in times of mental crisis.

I also need to keep the kitchen clean. It boggles my mind to have things all over the counter, even though I'm so good at filling it up. I brewed yesterday and the counters (all three) are full of things. 

We kind of keep the house split up by responsiblities. I need to work majorly on my part. I'm going to go insane if I don't. There are so many hard things going on right now. I have to have someplace to go that's inviting. Right now it's just another source of stress. 

As soon as I get home, I'm going to get rid of 10 things. Porter can give Aftasie a bottle if she's hungry.

I want to go outside for a run and get soaked and come home and have a hot shower and drink something hot. I'm already soaked, and I'm sure I'll get more soaked on the way home, so this is pretty muck taken care of :) 

Tanya, I would normally tag you on facebook, but maybe you'll read this anyway. I saw two ladies going by on bikes in the rain, with saddlebags and other gear, and the one in back looked at me and smiled - if I was a swearing lady, I could have sworn it was you. But of course, it wasn't. But it made me really miss you and Eugene :) 

I have to remember that I'll only be a nurse if I learn how to deal with everything and don't get overwhelmed before I finish. It's not too much to do - it's just disorganization that makes me so stressed. 

I'm going to see a friend on Friday for coffee. I have only met someone for coffee three or four times in my life. It would be nice to happen more often :) 

I really need a good cry, but it's so hard to do. I don't like to cry around Aftasie, and she's usually around. Bless her heart, the little sweetheart. She sure makes me happy all morning :) 

Oh yeah, and I went to the dentist's this morning and I need to have what they quoted as $670 worth of work done, and that's only three teeth! One needs to be pulled (very back molar, so not so bad) one is on the verge of needing to be pulled but we're going to try a filling, and one needs a filling. 

Gahhhh. 

Alright. I feel much better now. On to homework tasks before I have to get home and empty the milkers! :) 

A Toothache is Horrible

But once you get to sleep (if you do!), then you might sleep through the pain and hopefully the pain is a little less in the morning. However, if you're nursing? :roll eyes: Awful.

Thankfully last night was not so bad as the night before. And today I'm going in to see a dentist for the first time in years, except for the visit I made just over a year or so ago to get one pulled.

I am really saddened by all of the people who I've been seeing posts and remarks from online (from googling) who have toothaches and no money or insurance to get any work done. That is AWFUL! Tell me, anyone who's had a toothache - would you wish that pain on anyone? I really think that poor people need better access to dental care. And I'm saying this as someone who fortunately will probably be able to afford to get it pulled/filled whatever it needs to get rid of the pain.

I'm terribly, terribly grateful for all of the dental work the Commonwealth of Massachusetts paid for when I was a child/teenager. Thank you, fellow citizens, for keeping my mouth from being toothless today. (And sans massive amounts of pain). I seriously would be toothless today without any dental work done, I'm pretty sure of that.

On the interesting biology note, did you know that cavities are caused by bacteria pooping acid on your teeth? Streptococcus mutans is responsible (partly) for a biofilm on your teeth.

SAHM

I seriously think I would go insane if I was home 24/7.

A lady tried to talk me out of nursing school with a baby because I needed to be home. Seriously?

I find it incredibly pleasant to come home to Porter and Aftasie. I find it pleasant to come home and to be home most of the time.

I really would have a hard time if I never left Aftasie with Porter. That's just the way it is. I don't know if it's bad or not.

Withdrawal

I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from withdrawal from facebook. I've been hanging out at several forums today and I've been waiting to see replies. When there aren't any, and there aren't any directed at me, I feel down.

Would you like some snot with that order?

This is disgusting, especially considering my grandparents used to live here and I'm pretty sure I've been to that Dunkin' Donuts. Police officers ordering coffee see a guy put snot in their coffees through the surveillance camera that is in the front of the store (obviously the guy didn't realize they could see him!) It also makes me wonder about all of the food I don't see prepared!

Shall I Quit Nursing School?

Brew School.

Maybe I'll use nurse-earnings to fund some kind of education like that ;)

Round

The other day I was thinking about how I was going to blog about all my plans to lose weight and become thinner when it struck me that I don't really want to be thinner. I saw myself in the mirror at school and realized that I have a different body than I ever have. I actually feel much more balanced with all the weight I've gained on the top, and I have a little thicker waist. It dawned on me that I could like me, since I like other people who are not very slender. I don't have to look in the mirror and say, "Ugh, I can't wait till I lose the weight!" I don't want to continually gain and end up overweight when I'm older, but I'm happy here. When my boobs shrink after breastfeeding ceases, then I will probably need to lose some to help feel more balanced (which might happen naturally, I don't know).

My goal is not to lose weight, or even drop sizes. I want to be strong again. I want to feel able. I want to be healthy! I think the best goals as far as eating goes is to add things to my diet, not take out things. And PE class is awesome. I'm always sore from workouts :) They took my body fat at the beginning so I'll be able to test it at the end and see if I've gained any muscle. That will be exciting.

Looking Forward...

I have really been looking forward to getting up each morning lately. I love the routine of making coffee, having a little time to relax a little, and then going to school. It's soooo much easier than getting up at 5:30am to clean for an hour and a half before classes!

I LOVE being home in the evening, eating and relaxing, nursing, or whatever, and thinking to myself, "Wait, did I actually have classes today? This is my hard day?" I really have been forgetting that I have been at classes or at school at all, because they aren't very hard. It's awesome :) And now I'm looking forward to going to microbiology class because I get to see friends, take notes, the teacher is funny, the information is interesting, etc. It's so nice to have this respite before nursing classes start next semester. I'm sure it's going to get harder and harder until the end.

I was just visiting the Mane Forum (haha, the pun is intended, I'm sure ;) ) at the LHC and getting all excited about growing out my hair again. I'm pretty sure I might end up with a bob again, because I liked it so much, but I'm growing it out for now. It's to shoulder length now, and I am aiming for somewhere longer - we'll see where it ends up. I think I had to cut my hair to reset myself and feel comfortable with shorter hair. Even though I didn't say it, I think I felt something like, "longer is holier," even though I don't believe it. I can't wait for it to be a little longer and be able to put it in more things that a ponytail with a hairband. I can't really wear it out because my bangs are about cheek length and get in my face too much.

Nursing Application Done

It's all signed and sealed (well, not really sealed, but it's passed in and there's no changing it now).

Tomorrow was the deadline, at 5pm.

It was kind of anticlimactic to hand it in. I just passed it over the counter and said "Here's my application."

Who knows what will happen? Now I have to wait for a month or more to find out what happens next. If I don't get in...well, I will move away from here and go to school somewhere else, if I can get in another school in the east.

Cazu marzu, anyone?

This is certainly the most unusual cheese I've heard of.

Derived from Pecorino, casu marzu goes beyond typical fermentation to a stage most would considerdecomposition, brought about by the digestive action of the larvae of the cheese fly Piophila casei. These larvae are deliberately introduced to the cheese, promoting an advanced level of fermentation and breaking down of the cheese's fats. The texture of the cheese becomes very soft, with some liquid (called lagrima, from the Sardinian for "tears") seeping out. The larvae themselves appear as translucent white worms, about 8 millimetres (0.3 in) long.^[1] When disturbed, the larvae can launch themselves for distances up to 15 centimetres (6 in). Some people clear the larvae from the cheese before consuming while others do not. (from linked Wikipedia article).

Cuddle Party

I found this cuddle party site from a thread at TLHC. At first I was thinking it was kind of strange, then that it was really interesting,, and then really sad. I do not think humans are created to be alone, but that doesn't (shouldn't) translate to "humans should not be without a sexual partner."
"Cuddling with strangers is ick," is what a lot of responses were. But what DO you do if there is no touch in your family, or you live alone and never touch anyone, and you crave to be touched?

The other day I sat in a row if classmates and I actually noticed every time my arm brushed one of my classmates. Isn't that odd? It still stands out to me as an unusual situation, but I think it's just a product of our society and how I've been raised.

So, what is good? I know there are plenty of people who don't like to be touched, and naturally, as one who likes to be touched I am pro-touch, but in an ideal society, would we tend to touch each other more? Are we lacking touch in our culture? What does it do (or not do) to us to go without touch of other human beings? Is it just all about culture, and those who are raised in a non-touching culture do absolutely fine without it, or is there something about touch that everyone needs? I'd lean towards the latter, because of common sense about who we are and seeing the results of babies not being touched, but I realize there are some who simply do not like to be touched, whether from abuse or some other situation. Are those non-normal situations, or can some of us live healthily with no human touch?

I guess a more basic question would be: Is it natural to have a need to be touched, and what do you do about meeting that need in a society where touch is mostly taboo, unless it is with a sexual partner or a (your) young child?

Closer

When I finish this week of school I'll be 1/3 done with this semester, or 1/6 done with the school year! After this year, only two more years left. I'll be a junior NEXT YEAR! Only two more fall semesters.

I can so do this. 

It goes so fast. Where does the time go?

So, I guess what I'm closer to ultimately is death. Every day, marching forward...

Relief

I actually feel a bit of relief every time I see someone else on facebook. I don't have to do it anymore.

I got a 91.5 on my microbiology test. It's not so bad. A 92+ is an A. However, it is a little disappointing. Last year, my first exam was 105, but my professor said I was working too hard. She was probably right. But I still want an A in this class, and I see no reason not to get an A in my other classes as well. However, I won't find out how this all pans out until the end of the semester, and I am NOT worried about it. The nursing application doesn't really matter anymore because they just look at midterms (and I'm not definitely not failing anything yet), but I really like those As all in a row. If I get a B once, I may fall out of love with As and be satisfied with less. But right now I can't be! I am not being good about it. My head knows I need to stop with this obsession and be happier with life, but a part of me just says I need to endure whatever I have to to get As. I don't know how to shoot for Bs, but it would be handy in some classes. Do you just hand in late work? Do you not study at all?

I keep saying I'm bottling, but I haven't! Yesterday the bottles weren't clean (I finished cleaning them around 11pm), and today I was just too busy. Tomorrow, maybe :)

Nursing Application

The nursing application is due Friday! I have everything finished except last-minute proofreading of my essays. It is so exciting. I will be so happy when everything is turned in. I will be able to focus much better once it's in, I think. It's amazing how much procrastination is due to mental blocks.

Last night I cleaned out a case and a half of bottles. It is always so much work to get them clean initially!  I was going to bottle yesterday but I was just too tired, and I wasn't finished cleaning the bottles till late in the evening. Today I think I will, once I get everything for the nursing application wrapped up and together in a folder to pass in tomorrow. I have an oatmeal stout and a fresh hops ale to be bottled. I tasted the fresh hops one when I took a hydrometer reading the other day. I don't know if the hops really came through that much. I know I needed to use extra hops because they weren't dried, but maybe I didn't add enough extra. Or maybe we'll find out that it ages to perfection! I know I don't make very good beer anyway. There are too many variables right now - fermentation is not at a steady, cool temp, I don't really cool it properly to get a good cold break, I haven't been getting the hot break out, etc., etc. And I use the cake mix type of beer recipe, with malt syrup rather than mashing my own grains. Too much work/time/money/space for right now to upgrade to all-grain, though.

So, I'm in the Chemistry Research Lab...

Pumping! (I got card access from the lab coordinator because no one is using it.) It is the first time I have pumped at school, but it would be fine if I had to do it more. I miss feeding Aftasie when she gets bottles, though. It's like making someone's day, over and over again :)

Have you seen someone die?

I was just reading posts from a woman who just saw her grandmother die unexpectedly from choking. I have never seen anyone die.

I just realized that we will all be present at our own deaths. Obviously. (But not thought about much?)

Nursing Essay

I am a great procrastinator and I don't know why.

At the beginning of the summer I knew I had two essays to write for nursing school. One of them I finished last week. One of them I am working on now. They're both due on the 30th. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I wouldn't finish them until shortly before they were due. But why? Why did I wait? 

I knew I would get them finished within a few days of the due date. But what if something had come up? Maybe a hospital visit, or an illness, or something like that. I don't know. I probably would have had to wait till next year to try to get into nursing school. 

Maybe I just haven't been burned enough to actually do things ahead of time. 

If I actually write my essay and clean the living room, I get to bottle a batch of brew.

Winter is Coming!

Well, it's only fall, but pretty soon here in Oregon the rain is going to settle in and we'll have rain for months on end. Not only is the rain going to come, but about 7 more months of school.

Now, I don't have too much to complain about. The house is warm, school is not awful, I have an adorable little baby and I live with someone I'm very in love with.

But winter is dreary. It just is. The short days, no sunshine, cold weather, etc. This is all reason for there to be winter traditions that distract from the dreariness, when it is dreary.

This winter I'm trying to be better prepared. There need to be some kind of rituals, traditions, that make it all much better. I think we need a couch (we finally have room for one!!) with blankets and place to set warm drinks. Also, access to books and good lighting for either relaxing or reading. We have Christmas lights strung above where I'm planning to put a couch, but we probably need a lamp or two.

Besides environment, what about food and drink? Are there drinks that lend themselves to winter cheer? Tea, mulled cider, hot buttered rum.

What do you do? What makes long, dark evenings more pleasant?

Pictures of Aftasie's trip to the coast

Aftasie when we first got there

Walking down to the edge of the cliff

We stayed in one of those buildings you see. See the people halfway up the trail? It was really hard to descend, a little easier to climb back up.

The little queen on her throne. Hehe. 

Pop and Aftasie (he's got a front carrier) on the luscious green trail up to Cape Perpetua

Wearing Porter's hat :) 

The camera wouldn't let me expose both object correctly. Porter and Aftasie and the ocean. This was about halfway up, maybe? 

Pictures don't do it justice. It's an 800+ foot cliff that overlooks the ocean, and not only the ocean, but little inlets where the waves crash quite violently. It's AMAZING. 

You can kind of see how small the highway is, but it's much more impressive in person. 

The path leading up to Cape Perpetua is so pretty and fun to hike. 

On the way down

I think she enjoyed herself :) How could she have not? She had transportation up to the top and back and nursed long enough once we got there that mommy got sunburned :P