Shall I Quit Nursing School?

Brew School.

Maybe I'll use nurse-earnings to fund some kind of education like that ;)

Round

The other day I was thinking about how I was going to blog about all my plans to lose weight and become thinner when it struck me that I don't really want to be thinner. I saw myself in the mirror at school and realized that I have a different body than I ever have. I actually feel much more balanced with all the weight I've gained on the top, and I have a little thicker waist. It dawned on me that I could like me, since I like other people who are not very slender. I don't have to look in the mirror and say, "Ugh, I can't wait till I lose the weight!" I don't want to continually gain and end up overweight when I'm older, but I'm happy here. When my boobs shrink after breastfeeding ceases, then I will probably need to lose some to help feel more balanced (which might happen naturally, I don't know).

My goal is not to lose weight, or even drop sizes. I want to be strong again. I want to feel able. I want to be healthy! I think the best goals as far as eating goes is to add things to my diet, not take out things. And PE class is awesome. I'm always sore from workouts :) They took my body fat at the beginning so I'll be able to test it at the end and see if I've gained any muscle. That will be exciting.

Looking Forward...

I have really been looking forward to getting up each morning lately. I love the routine of making coffee, having a little time to relax a little, and then going to school. It's soooo much easier than getting up at 5:30am to clean for an hour and a half before classes!

I LOVE being home in the evening, eating and relaxing, nursing, or whatever, and thinking to myself, "Wait, did I actually have classes today? This is my hard day?" I really have been forgetting that I have been at classes or at school at all, because they aren't very hard. It's awesome :) And now I'm looking forward to going to microbiology class because I get to see friends, take notes, the teacher is funny, the information is interesting, etc. It's so nice to have this respite before nursing classes start next semester. I'm sure it's going to get harder and harder until the end.

I was just visiting the Mane Forum (haha, the pun is intended, I'm sure ;) ) at the LHC and getting all excited about growing out my hair again. I'm pretty sure I might end up with a bob again, because I liked it so much, but I'm growing it out for now. It's to shoulder length now, and I am aiming for somewhere longer - we'll see where it ends up. I think I had to cut my hair to reset myself and feel comfortable with shorter hair. Even though I didn't say it, I think I felt something like, "longer is holier," even though I don't believe it. I can't wait for it to be a little longer and be able to put it in more things that a ponytail with a hairband. I can't really wear it out because my bangs are about cheek length and get in my face too much.

Nursing Application Done

It's all signed and sealed (well, not really sealed, but it's passed in and there's no changing it now).

Tomorrow was the deadline, at 5pm.

It was kind of anticlimactic to hand it in. I just passed it over the counter and said "Here's my application."

Who knows what will happen? Now I have to wait for a month or more to find out what happens next. If I don't get in...well, I will move away from here and go to school somewhere else, if I can get in another school in the east.

Cazu marzu, anyone?

This is certainly the most unusual cheese I've heard of.

Derived from Pecorino, casu marzu goes beyond typical fermentation to a stage most would considerdecomposition, brought about by the digestive action of the larvae of the cheese fly Piophila casei. These larvae are deliberately introduced to the cheese, promoting an advanced level of fermentation and breaking down of the cheese's fats. The texture of the cheese becomes very soft, with some liquid (called lagrima, from the Sardinian for "tears") seeping out. The larvae themselves appear as translucent white worms, about 8 millimetres (0.3 in) long.^[1] When disturbed, the larvae can launch themselves for distances up to 15 centimetres (6 in). Some people clear the larvae from the cheese before consuming while others do not. (from linked Wikipedia article).

Cuddle Party

I found this cuddle party site from a thread at TLHC. At first I was thinking it was kind of strange, then that it was really interesting,, and then really sad. I do not think humans are created to be alone, but that doesn't (shouldn't) translate to "humans should not be without a sexual partner."
"Cuddling with strangers is ick," is what a lot of responses were. But what DO you do if there is no touch in your family, or you live alone and never touch anyone, and you crave to be touched?

The other day I sat in a row if classmates and I actually noticed every time my arm brushed one of my classmates. Isn't that odd? It still stands out to me as an unusual situation, but I think it's just a product of our society and how I've been raised.

So, what is good? I know there are plenty of people who don't like to be touched, and naturally, as one who likes to be touched I am pro-touch, but in an ideal society, would we tend to touch each other more? Are we lacking touch in our culture? What does it do (or not do) to us to go without touch of other human beings? Is it just all about culture, and those who are raised in a non-touching culture do absolutely fine without it, or is there something about touch that everyone needs? I'd lean towards the latter, because of common sense about who we are and seeing the results of babies not being touched, but I realize there are some who simply do not like to be touched, whether from abuse or some other situation. Are those non-normal situations, or can some of us live healthily with no human touch?

I guess a more basic question would be: Is it natural to have a need to be touched, and what do you do about meeting that need in a society where touch is mostly taboo, unless it is with a sexual partner or a (your) young child?

Closer

When I finish this week of school I'll be 1/3 done with this semester, or 1/6 done with the school year! After this year, only two more years left. I'll be a junior NEXT YEAR! Only two more fall semesters.

I can so do this. 

It goes so fast. Where does the time go?

So, I guess what I'm closer to ultimately is death. Every day, marching forward...

Relief

I actually feel a bit of relief every time I see someone else on facebook. I don't have to do it anymore.

I got a 91.5 on my microbiology test. It's not so bad. A 92+ is an A. However, it is a little disappointing. Last year, my first exam was 105, but my professor said I was working too hard. She was probably right. But I still want an A in this class, and I see no reason not to get an A in my other classes as well. However, I won't find out how this all pans out until the end of the semester, and I am NOT worried about it. The nursing application doesn't really matter anymore because they just look at midterms (and I'm not definitely not failing anything yet), but I really like those As all in a row. If I get a B once, I may fall out of love with As and be satisfied with less. But right now I can't be! I am not being good about it. My head knows I need to stop with this obsession and be happier with life, but a part of me just says I need to endure whatever I have to to get As. I don't know how to shoot for Bs, but it would be handy in some classes. Do you just hand in late work? Do you not study at all?

I keep saying I'm bottling, but I haven't! Yesterday the bottles weren't clean (I finished cleaning them around 11pm), and today I was just too busy. Tomorrow, maybe :)

Nursing Application

The nursing application is due Friday! I have everything finished except last-minute proofreading of my essays. It is so exciting. I will be so happy when everything is turned in. I will be able to focus much better once it's in, I think. It's amazing how much procrastination is due to mental blocks.

Last night I cleaned out a case and a half of bottles. It is always so much work to get them clean initially!  I was going to bottle yesterday but I was just too tired, and I wasn't finished cleaning the bottles till late in the evening. Today I think I will, once I get everything for the nursing application wrapped up and together in a folder to pass in tomorrow. I have an oatmeal stout and a fresh hops ale to be bottled. I tasted the fresh hops one when I took a hydrometer reading the other day. I don't know if the hops really came through that much. I know I needed to use extra hops because they weren't dried, but maybe I didn't add enough extra. Or maybe we'll find out that it ages to perfection! I know I don't make very good beer anyway. There are too many variables right now - fermentation is not at a steady, cool temp, I don't really cool it properly to get a good cold break, I haven't been getting the hot break out, etc., etc. And I use the cake mix type of beer recipe, with malt syrup rather than mashing my own grains. Too much work/time/money/space for right now to upgrade to all-grain, though.

So, I'm in the Chemistry Research Lab...

Pumping! (I got card access from the lab coordinator because no one is using it.) It is the first time I have pumped at school, but it would be fine if I had to do it more. I miss feeding Aftasie when she gets bottles, though. It's like making someone's day, over and over again :)

Have you seen someone die?

I was just reading posts from a woman who just saw her grandmother die unexpectedly from choking. I have never seen anyone die.

I just realized that we will all be present at our own deaths. Obviously. (But not thought about much?)

Nursing Essay

I am a great procrastinator and I don't know why.

At the beginning of the summer I knew I had two essays to write for nursing school. One of them I finished last week. One of them I am working on now. They're both due on the 30th. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I wouldn't finish them until shortly before they were due. But why? Why did I wait? 

I knew I would get them finished within a few days of the due date. But what if something had come up? Maybe a hospital visit, or an illness, or something like that. I don't know. I probably would have had to wait till next year to try to get into nursing school. 

Maybe I just haven't been burned enough to actually do things ahead of time. 

If I actually write my essay and clean the living room, I get to bottle a batch of brew.

Winter is Coming!

Well, it's only fall, but pretty soon here in Oregon the rain is going to settle in and we'll have rain for months on end. Not only is the rain going to come, but about 7 more months of school.

Now, I don't have too much to complain about. The house is warm, school is not awful, I have an adorable little baby and I live with someone I'm very in love with.

But winter is dreary. It just is. The short days, no sunshine, cold weather, etc. This is all reason for there to be winter traditions that distract from the dreariness, when it is dreary.

This winter I'm trying to be better prepared. There need to be some kind of rituals, traditions, that make it all much better. I think we need a couch (we finally have room for one!!) with blankets and place to set warm drinks. Also, access to books and good lighting for either relaxing or reading. We have Christmas lights strung above where I'm planning to put a couch, but we probably need a lamp or two.

Besides environment, what about food and drink? Are there drinks that lend themselves to winter cheer? Tea, mulled cider, hot buttered rum.

What do you do? What makes long, dark evenings more pleasant?

Pictures of Aftasie's trip to the coast

Aftasie when we first got there

Walking down to the edge of the cliff

We stayed in one of those buildings you see. See the people halfway up the trail? It was really hard to descend, a little easier to climb back up.

The little queen on her throne. Hehe. 

Pop and Aftasie (he's got a front carrier) on the luscious green trail up to Cape Perpetua

Wearing Porter's hat :) 

The camera wouldn't let me expose both object correctly. Porter and Aftasie and the ocean. This was about halfway up, maybe? 

Pictures don't do it justice. It's an 800+ foot cliff that overlooks the ocean, and not only the ocean, but little inlets where the waves crash quite violently. It's AMAZING. 

You can kind of see how small the highway is, but it's much more impressive in person. 

The path leading up to Cape Perpetua is so pretty and fun to hike. 

On the way down

I think she enjoyed herself :) How could she have not? She had transportation up to the top and back and nursed long enough once we got there that mommy got sunburned :P 

Sunburn at the Oregon Coast

We took a trip this weekend to the Oregon Coast. It was BEEEAUTIFUL, and Aftasie's first trip. Two years ago we went on our first trip there, in honor of our 6 month's being married and my birthday. We moved, and started going to the coast north of where we used to go. Awful. It's touristy and flat, and beachy, and mall-y. Well, this time we drove three hours instead of under two hours and enjoyed it much much more.

It was even sunny. I got sunburned!

More pics later when I have time. They're still on the camera. I have to run to class for now.

I'm a Quitter (but first, I had to admit I had a problem)

I said 'quitted' in the title of my blog mostly because 'quit' was already taken. But quitted is more fitting, when it comes down to it. I've left. I'm in the first stages of detaching myself.

I've:

• disabled wall posts (people can still comment on my status)
• left pictures enabled
• left my contact information up

You can do it too. Maybe I should make a blogring to support quitters. 

Do You Pay Businesses to Advertise for Them?

Didn't it used to be that companies paid for advertising? Now millions of Americans have signed up to PAY the companies for the right to advertise the company's name.

Yeah, my shoes have got two giant Ns on them.

I bet your shirt has a logo on it. And you paid for it.